I swear I need an all time curtain that's not too thick to be in my room.
To prevent insects from flying in through the window.
I know I know, I have been taught to apply compassion to all sentient beings.
But for now, I am still a little afraid towards insects ): .
But anyway, thank god, I manage to get the insect out.
So here I am now finally able to peacefully, lie down on my bed with the laptop on a pillow on my laptop and typing this post.
Somehow, the mobile Blogger isn't publishing the posts that I made.
-_- , and I am a little annoyed by it lololz.
Haiz.
I don't meant to rant about my life or anything.
But somehow in my current relationship, sometimes, I feel as though he and I are just a little more than friends flirting around D: .
I don't mean to degrade this relationship.
But at least sometimes, that's how I feel.
From what I know, he's prolly a nerdy woodblock who is not well-versed in the romance department.
Yet I can't help but feel a little disappointed sometimes when he didn't say or do something that I secretly hope he will.
Girls are always like that, hoping and hoping then feeling upset and disappointed and all ;arg at the poor guy when he didn't even know where he went wrong.
Babe and I talked about our relationships.
Honestly, one of the best things about camping at her house is not the fact that she seem to have unlimited stock of maggie but the fact that I can have a sister to talk to, like seriously, I can be honest with just about anything, everything without worrying she'll judge me.
I feel like an overly attached girlfriend.
That is why I feel that I should not get into a relationship...
Once I am in a relationship, I will start to be greedy, start to get jealous, start to have a lot of expectations which leads to more disappointments which in turn screw up my mood and my emotions and sooner or later turn my whole world upside turn whereby I will turn into this horrible bitch / monster / leech.
Draining away everyone's energy and wanting to destroy everything ):< !
I hate that.
It took me quite a while to walk out of that stage and I never wanna return back to those times again.
Where I just feel so angry all the time...
I know he's unwell these few days.
And yea, I should be understanding and let him rest and not bother him that much.
But sometimes, I hate the way he end the conversation.
It makes me think he deliberately wanna avoid what I said, avoid making a response to it.
I am asking for too much, am I not?
I really hate myself for this.
Compare the posts, when I started this blog.
And ever since I got attached.
Do I sound a little more upset now?
Yes, certainly.
D: .
No, no, no.
I wanna be back that happy Jazelle when I just joined Vemma.
Please please please.
): .
Ohwait.
Maybe it's just the assignments FUUUFUUUFUFU !
PS: It's a different kind of insecurity you're giving me.
Haiz.