I realize, my life, myself, is full of irony.
I love my family.
Yet I am living under a different roof from my family.
I love my boyfriend.
And I ought to be more understanding towards him (cuz he is pampering me so much already).
But I keep demanding more.
I love my friends.
But sometimes, my words just hurt them.
I am by nature, a quiet person.
Yet I just like to talk to many people.
Who most of the time pisses me off with their stupidity and the way they look at life/relationship.
How stupid?
"Every single guy/girl is a liar."
"There's no true love." <---- Tell me that again, when the whole world stomps on you and ask you to die.
Etc.
I would love to have a peaceful life.
Yet my dream is to become a DJ, to be part of the busy-like-hell.
Media industry.
And I insist on wanting to be a radio DJ.
Why?
Because it's as though it's in my blood, since young.
A burning passion that I can't even express in words.
I really hate to be in this so-damn-fast-pace world, where I feel like.
Every minute, more and more energy is being drained out of me.
I feel like I am lagging behind.
And the worst thing is, I feel like somehow, my brains lack the ability to think in depth.
I cannot seem to focus easily, I side track easily alot.
The way I grasp thing:
I get it, means I get it, I won't ever forget it.
I don't get it, no matter how you try and drill into me, I just cannot seem to get it, and even if I do, whatever that was drilled will somehow be gone overtime.
There're definitely some things I can understand at first glance.
And some things where people can take 1 month to master and I take 1 year.
I don't know how to tell anyone.
Or even express out.
The kind of mind block I have.
It's like.
One best example.
People read the essay question, topic.
And the question is zzxxccvv.
People interpret is as zzxxccvv.
Their essay structure will be.
Definition of zzxxccvv.
Para1:
- zz1
- zz2
- zz3
Para 2:
- xx1
- xx2
- xx3
And so on.
Mine will be.
Interpretation of question: zxcvzxcvvccxzxcv.
My essay structure will be.
Para1:
- zx1
- xcz2
- vczz3
Para2:
- cxx3
- xccx2/1
- zxcvcx1/3
And etc.
:\ I don't know if you can even understand what I am trying to bring across here.
I feel like crying, because I feel so hopeless and disappointed with myself but I can't even.
And I still dream of being a DJ?
Can I even?