Friday, 12 April 2013

✖ Rejected, dejected. ✖

Finished writing letters, washing up, washing my clothes.
Facebooking, Twitter, Instagram and now here I am blogging.

I have been quite affected at work these few days.
Haiz, to be honest, I believe those who know me pretty much know that.

I am a girl with very low self-esteem.
I am a girl who is overly sensitive.
To the way people act and what they say.
I am a girl who is rather socially awkward.
I am a girl who easily gets affected and feel bad about herself.

I am that kind of girl.
>< and it doesn't help when the lady boss and Rem's dad keep praising the other part-timers from China saying they are very suitable candidates for models for the online shop Rem Shifu is setting up.
And complimenting that they are very good with sales.

I mean, I have to agree with the fact that they are indeed very pretty, and are good with sales, etc.
But heyz, ): , I exist, -waves- .

It's not like I never tried hard enough.
Somehow, customers just happen to walk away when I talk to them.
Or something.

It's like, I feel that I am on a damn unlucky streak or something.
>< , I can never seem to clinch much deals.
The ratio of the number of deals they make (each of them) to the number of deals I make.
Is probably 10 is to 1.
And that makes me feel upset and I feel less and less confident of myself.

Is it I am so ugly that people hate it when I go close to them?
What are they doing that I am not?

I feel that I have really bad memory.
I feel angry with myself for not being able to remember the prices of the clothes in the shop.
Even after around 2 weeks and more of working there.

The lady boss and Rem's dad keep thinking I never talk to people.
But I do T___T .
I hate it when my efforts go to the drain or don't get recognize.

Haiz, which is why I feel a little upset at work.
It's so miserable, I keep making careless mistakes here and there.
I tried so hard to remember but I just cannot.
It's like, my memory is constantly leaking away.
And I feel so fed up with myself I feel like crying.

And then sometimes it upsets me so much I seem a little cold to Gin over the little SMS we are exchanging.

I don't like to be ranting and ranting to anyone.
To Gin as well, but somehow, I just happen to say everything when he asked me what happened.
Because I don't wanna diss him off with a 'Nothing." .

It makes me feel less suffocated when I get to SMS with Gin, Babe and Sweetheart during my break time.
It reminds me that I have friends who actually see some worth in me >< .
And Gin will always tell me I look the prettiest to him lolz!
And though I know he is comforting me, it still makes me feel a little better about myself.

Thanks dear <3 :) .

And to Babe and Sweetheart who say wanna come and visit me.
You are left with today and tomorrow, lolz!
13th is my last day ^^ .
Then I wanna start preparing for school le, new clothes, new shoes, new bag!
>< .

Depending on how much my end pay is luhz >< hehz, still got a while before I can get my bursary.

Sales is definitely not a line I can survive in T___T .
I am so socially awkward I don't know what to tell people.

It's like, I don't know what to do.
When I step closer to them, they run.
The lady boss will say, let them see themselves, don't follow.
Then when I let them see themselves, she will ask me to intro, talk to them.

-_- I am at a loss of what to do.
And that they mentioned about looking for shareholder.
So I mentioned that my dad might be interested.
My dad sounded quite ok with it.
I messaged Rem's dad about it, and he didn't reply.
So it's like, I feel damn rejected also.

Sigh.
): .


PS: I updated my 'More info about me' section ^~^...