Have been WhatsApp-iing a few people these few days.
Duhhz lolz!
Special thanks to Babe and Sweetheart who check on me now and then and making sure I am fine.
And of course, Mr Png, who WhatsApp me almost every other night to talk to me to make sure I don't feel lonely or that I have someone to talk to when I am sad.
Gin for trying his best, drawing time out from his busy schedule to reply me.
Now Mr Ant suddenly texted me as well.
Asking me how am I doing at HK .
I have so many things to say about how I am doing at HK.
Have no idea how to say everything because no one will seem to understand.
I don't even know how to write them out.
It's just.
Me.
Kinship, friendship, relationship.
I can only say I am paranoid.
Possessive.
Overly attached.
It's stressing people around me.
Suffocating them.
And at the same time I expect them to understand.
Somehow at this moment I feel that I am not fit to have anyone.
Especially friends and a relationship.
Gifford says it's probably due to me feeling paranoid and insecure in a foreign land.
Perhaps so.
But doesn't that shows that these feelings have been in me all along?
Just that it's all covered up when I am in my comfort zone in Singapore?
I hate the way insecurity is slipping away from me.
And I can't tell anyone.
Because no one will seem to understand.
Or when I tell and the recipient will just be annoyed or say something that is almost cliche.
I should just be locked up.
多么希望我现在身边有一个避风港。
是我不了解其他人么？
是我太自私了么？
是我要求太多了么？
怎么觉得那么沮丧？