Was it because of the chain messages that I didn't send out?
Was it because of the mirror that I broke?
Was it because of the Facebook comments/pictures/posts that I didn't share when I see them?
Maybe, what I mentioned above may have played a part on directing things to the way it is now.
But all in all, it's clear to me that things are aleays screwed up brcause of me, myself and I.
It feels as though I am still stuck at the land of sadness, watching this world from that land.
And wondering when will I be able to join the others who're appreciating life.
I'm trying to be be strong yet a part of me seems to be missing.
I don't know what to do to mend this broken part in me.
I feel so empty, hollow, lost.
And I can only pray that what Charlotte said is true.
That there will be a day when everything is back to normal again.
It's not that I lost trust or faith in the people around me.
Maybe it's just me being silly.
Always feeling that I am drifting away from people.
"Paranoid" is hitting on me.
Always doing so.
Is there anyone out there who's feeling the same way as me?
Being afraid of the dark now, so much so that I have to sleep with the lights on even when I am not alone in the room?
Or being afraid of every single movements and shadows, thinking it's hunting me or dragging me to somewhere?
Or being insecure, worrying who will leave me next, be it physically or emotionally, especially those I love.
They say if you hold something too tightly, that something will eventually escape.
And that if something was yours, it will eventually come back to you even if you let it go.
Will it come back to me?
The thing I'm wishing for.
I held on tight and was paranoid because I was scared.
I will hate myself if I didn't even try holding on to what I value.
I'm trying to overcome that kind of fear.
Trying to be normal.
It's so stressful trying to feel normal, trying to feel ok when my whole heart feels strained while I'm trying to smile, to not worry those who care for me.
What is going on, what is wrong with me.
Why can't I feel ok..?